Maid to order

ALWAYS THE DARK HORSE The colour of the bride’s skin

As I was rummaging through some magazines one uneventful evening in a desperate attempt to find crosswords and Sudoku that would keep me busy, I happened to find more interesting company in the form of matrimonial ads.

Believe me, I for one, had never thought I’d spend a good three hours scanning through these ads, considering I do not belong to the club that’s on the lookout for their better halves.

As entertaining and amusing as the ads sounded, they were more of an eye opener for me. It is only when one snaps out of the bliss of matrimonial lingo that one becomes conscious of the fact that these ads, apart from sounding like promotional offers do in fact perpetuate existing stereotypes in our society.
Coveted possessions

Fair skin is the most coveted possession, especially for men looking for brides. It is somewhat plausible if the man himself has something similar to offer.

According to Psychologist Jamuna Tripathi: “What we tend to do while placing matrimonial ads is that we overestimate ourselves in an effort to get the best offer. What people don’t realise is that if one expects certain attributes from his potential life partner, he should himself have something decent to offer. A person’s tall claims are often devoid of any truth.”

As far as marital lexicon goes, “slim” is in, “beautiful” has no substitute, “rich” is the USP, “affluent” seems to be the latest addition to the glossary of matrimonial terms, “only son” has remained an evergreen bargain and according to the graph, the demand for the “green card holder” has far surpassed the supply.Does that mean dark equals ugly? Fat amounts to revolting? And is a call centre employee an unworthy match for a B.A. graduate who is currently unemployed?
Nuptial jargon

Another way that matrimonial advertisements allow for the permeation of typecasting is by the usage of euphemisms.

The “convent educated girl” was highly desirable in an age where studying in an English medium school was something to be flaunted! Since, a ‘dark’ girl would get no suitors; parents have gotten around to describing their daughter as having a “wheatish medium complexion.”

Amongst divorcees, stating that one has had an “innocent divorce”, seems to have a certain cachet and it isn’t like her ex is going to say he had a guilty divorce, now, would he?

There exist certain misconceptions regarding the nuptial jargon people employ in drafting such ads. Many are still unaware that a “homely” girl doesn’t mean she indulges happily in household chores.

Homely means unattractive (go look up the dictionary).

Sushil Chandranath, a sociologist says: “What is most disturbing about matrimonial ads is that they are plastered with jarring labels. I cannot understand why parents of a dark-complexioned girl need to sound apologetic for her skin colour in the ad they place. Castes and sub-castes have always been a determinant with regard to marriage. Even people who have been discriminated against because they belong to a lower caste, discriminate against someone belonging to a lower sub-caste. Education hardly makes a difference when searching for a life partner.”

If you would notice closely, matrimonial ads today have gotten nauseatingly complex. Amshu, a marketing executive, observes: “The groom talks more about his father who is a naval officer, mother who is a doctor, sister who works as a software engineer, her husband who is a CEO of a company! In this case, I would agree with the person who came up with that corny line that you don’t marry one person, you marry his family too.”
Need a break

Newspapers and magazines seem passé media to place matrimonial ads in, especially when matrimonial websites and television are tested panacea. And if you thought it was only prospective brides, grooms and their families who are culpable for permitting insidious categorisations to thrive, you must know that matrimonial websites are guilty of the same.

Matrimonial ads could do with major attitude change. After all, the not-so-perfect people also have the right to marital bliss, without having to appear remorseful as they seek a prospective spouse in the marriage market.

MARRIAGE MARKET

* Fair skin is most coveted possession

* Slim is in

* English is must


source:Hindu